Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve put up this front with people. One of resilience, strength and a ‘don’t mess with me’ attitude. I also pride myself in always keeping cool, calm and collective. Never giving the game away and never allowing all but a handful of people to know the real me.
Recently whilst I have been experiencing anxiety, the most difficult thing I have found is to maintain this front that I have built throughout all these years. I feel exposed, a little bit on show to the world. I don’t like it. I normally hold my cards so close to my chest. But I’m finding this difficult to follow in my current state.
I feel like I’ve lost that persona of being reliable, being able to do anything and leading by example. I also feel quite upset, that I am relying on my parents, when I’m at the age when they should be relying on me for support.
I feel a bit powerless. And I don’t like it. This is not me. I want my power back. I want everything that I’ve built up throughout my life back. I want me back. My persona.
©️ BijM01, October 2018
Normal is not real 