I'm scared of people... I'm scared of you. And today I realised why. Why am I avoiding eye contact when speaking to people? Why do I constantly look away and act like I'm in the middle of something? Obviously, I'm hiding something. I'm hiding my true emotions and state from the world. I don't want … Continue reading Avoiding you
Too Busy
Is this what life has come to? We are all so busy. Busy in our lives and own world. Head down, looking at our phones, tablets and the TV. When did we stop to talk to the person sitting next to us? When was the last time you spoke to family/friends and gave them your … Continue reading Too Busy
Today
So today I did something different. I've always had this thing about being a certain way at work, keeping a certain image, especially as a manager. One of confidence, one of resilience and one where I don't show anyone my weaknesses. But today I went in and told my manager that I'm not ok, I'm … Continue reading Today
Scared
I'm scared. I'm scared of being around people, I'm scared of meeting people and I'm scared of talking to people. I don't give people my full attention when talking to them, I don't give them that eye contact. What exactly is it I'm afraid of? Being judged? Saying something stupid? Doing something silly....? Am I … Continue reading Scared
That Feeling
That feeling of being constantly on edge. Wanting to run away. Being easily irritated and wanting to be alone, so that I can hide until this feeling passes. But at the same time, hating that I'm on edge. Hating that I'm irritable and so self involved. Wanting to be around people and feel at ease. … Continue reading That Feeling
Switch Off
Do you ever feel like you just want to switch off from life? To take a break and press the pause button? Just for a moment. No worries. No thoughts. Just incredibly deep, contented peace. Just thinking of it fills me with ease and I breathe a sigh of relief. I don't want the world … Continue reading Switch Off
Identity
Strong. Determined. Focused. Reliable. These were all words I would use to describe myself. Unfortunately anxiety has wiped away the very essence of my being. These are words I no longer associate with myself. My identity has changed. ©️BijM01, March 2019
I want
This is such a difficult phase in my life. I cannot explain how much I struggle on a day to day basis. To get up and go to work. To sit on my chair at work trying to relax, when all I can think of is how tense I am sitting there. Pretending that everything … Continue reading I want
I miss you
Everytime I stop and close my eyes, I remember you. I can feel my eyes start to sting and my nose begin to run as I fight back tears. I remember you in your last moments. On that bed. So frail. It was like the only thing remaining in your body was your breath. The … Continue reading I miss you
No more
No more drama No more pain No more fears No more stress No more tension No more anxiety No more feeling unloved No more lying No more hurt No more anger No more irritation Just Love. Love, peace, patience and forbearance. And of course a smile 😊 ©️BijM01, February 2019
Work
Day in day out, I go to work. I've come to realise that I actually hate going to work. The management and the direction the company is going in. I don't agree with the way the company is doing things and no longer wish to be part of it. It is quite demotivating and demoralizing … Continue reading Work
Anxiety
I'm struggling. I'm struggling to move on and away from my feelings of anxiousness. I feel like being anxious has become part of my identity now. I can't seem to move past this. I don't want anxiety to be the basis of my identity. I worry about being anxious all the time. Whenever I have … Continue reading Anxiety
Grandad
Every morning I wake up and think of you. As I carry out my morning routine memories of you flood through my mind. I miss you. I miss knowing that you are in this world. I miss worrying about you. I miss praying for you. I wish I could see you in your healthy form … Continue reading Grandad
Confidence
Whilst walking through the long corridors in the hospital today after visiting my grandad, I've realised that I've lost my confidence. Can you believe it? Me. How did this happen? I'm racking my brain trying to find the cause of it. I am avoiding eye contact with strangers. I feel anxious passing people in the … Continue reading Confidence
Wish
I wish love was enough to help you from hurting. It's so difficult seeing a loved one in pain and feeling hurt. I hate the not being in control. I hate the dull ache inside of me. I hate that it's you, not me going through this. I hate that I can't take the pain … Continue reading Wish
Let me in
I want to help you, but the truth is I don't know how to. I want to be there for you, but I don't know how to. Let me in. Even if it's just to hold your hand. Talk to me, I want to be here for you. Tell me what is bothering you, what … Continue reading Let me in
Thank you
Thank you for reminding me that I am all alone. Thank you for reminding me that I have no one I can call my own. Thank you for putting me in my place and reminding me that I am actually no one. I have no one who supports me, or backs me up. I have … Continue reading Thank you
Love like this
Love. The type of love, where you give your everything to someone. Where you worship the ground they walk on, and would do absolutely anything for them. Even if it means putting your dreams, your happiness and your success after theirs. The kind of love where you completely and utterly give yourself, and lose yourself … Continue reading Love like this
The Power of Love
Love everyone in the world as if they are your own. Treat everyone you meet in the way you would like to be treated. Love. Love everyone and love unconditionally. Love is the most powerful emotion in the world. Even God himself bows down to true love. These are all the phrases we hear on … Continue reading The Power of Love
Positivity
You are what you think. You feel what you think and you become what you feel. Stop. Stop putting yourself down. Stop negative thoughts from entering your mind. Stop putting your thoughts and your feelings after everyone else's. Stop worrying about what other people think of you. Love yourself. Be kind to yourself. Respect yourself … Continue reading Positivity
Normal is not real 